I don't agree with a lot of his non-football stands, but Jake the Awake does a nice job of chronicling plays he believes show the "rig-aroni with a side of baloney" the NFL has.
Unlike me, Jake concentrates more on what he calls "slop plays" -- plays that show that the players are more like professional wrestlers and choreograph plays to ensure results.
(With one usual exception that I think we will see at least one of. I'll get to that.)
So, here's Week One's Top 10 of Jake's Slop Plays.
And, already something to note: Denver missed so many tackles Monday (28) that they gave up the most yards after missed tackles in eight years (247). So, knowing Jake as I do, I have a feeling there will be more than one play from that game to back up the top of the video bullet point there.
This isn't even in his Top Ten, but the first part shows that two Broncos players basically pantomime tackling Patrick Mahomes on his touchdown run.
10) Detroit-New Orleans. 14-0 Detroit, and they have the ball after a New Orleans turnover in the 3rd quarter.
Amon Ra-St. Brown appears to have a route that's going to take him through three New Orleans defenders. First defender takes the other receiver, second one pratfalls, the safety never helps, St. Brown catches wide open for the score. 21-0.
9) Dallas-Giants. 58 seconds to go in the half, 7-7.
Dak Prescott, per Jake, is the most-highlighted player in the history of his Slop Plays series, and it's interceptions, usually. Scrambles backwards INTO pressure. Throws an abject DUCK a mile into the air off his back foot, only player who can get it is the player who can pick it on the sideline for the Giants.
Stands to reason, doesn't it? Prescott would have to be a coparticipant in a lot of this with how the league cannot feasibly afford the Cowboys to be representatives as champions.
8) Packers-Vikings. No, this is not the drive in which the Vikings were all but handed a score either through mass indiscipline or the refs. 25-22, 3rd and 17.
And the Vikings just jailbreak the shitty Packer O Line, which had the worst pass block rate in the league for Week 1 -- and not close! Back-to-back sacks, back-to-back fumbles, and the Vikes get the ball to start the rout.
7) Packers-Vikings, next drive. 4 minutes to go, 32-22, and Jordan Love needs to make a comeback...
And he throws a pick that almost gets returned all the way -- three plays later, it's the Vikings' third touchdown of the quarter for the final score. Even though he had three open receivers on the play, including one cutting at the other side of the field with NO ONE CLOSE.
6) And here we go with the exception, when Jake breaks out his singing voice. "Return of the Mack" -- I mean, "Return of the Doink", a chronicle of all the videos of doinks, which Jake almost certainly correctly notes are magnet-assisted.
SF-Rams in Australia (if the ref is going to use the goal signal for a field goal from Aussie Rules, doesn't that mean this one is only worth one point if it had been made?), Arizona-Chargers (particularly flagrant one, looks like the kick is straight to the left and curves out to doink out the RIGHT SIDE), and I thought I heard at least one in the Monday nighter as well which was MADE...
5) Chicago-Carolina -- you almost could've seen this one coming for at least one play. 24-24 near halftime.
Caleb Williams escapes pressure and finds a seam in the pocket to start running. No problems here. And he's got one guy to beat... Except the guy literally runs out the back of the end zone to take himself out of the play for the free touchdown, Williams' second on the ground in the first half.
4) Eagles-Commanders. 17-16, six minutes to go in the game.
Three guys give Dallas Goedert a cushion, and all of them can't be arsed to make the play. 42 yards later, Goedert gets his second TD of the game, and that basically IS the game for Philadelphia.
3) New England-Seattle, and it's the suspicious interception.
Off the back foot again, and the only guy who can get it is wearing Seahawks colors. Game over, champs win, thanks for coming.
2) Chiefs-Broncos. 7-7. late second quarter.
Rashee Rice gets the ball and one player completely misses him, even though he is otherwise squared up on him. He doesn't even remotely attempt to wrap up on him.
1) Chiefs-Broncos, no score...
Until at least two players don't even try to tackle Mahomes for the Chiefs first touchdown.
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