After Further Review: 2026 Jake The Awake Asshole Week Five

So let's see what he did with one of the most...  interesting...  weeks in the history of the league.  Both with the refs and with the slop.

Pre-lay:  Los Angeles Chargers vs. Denver, running play with apparent slop.  We'll see what he comes up with on that...  later.

10)  Jacksonville-Philadelphia in London.  No score, 1st quarter, about five and a half minutes to go and Jacksonville at about midfield.

Eagles defender tries to trip the Jacksonville pass catcher, whiffs, and it's all Yards After Catch for Parker Washington for the first score.

9)  Vikings-Saints.  7-6 New Orleans, Vikings in the red zone about three minutes into the second quarter.

And we're zoomed in on trips left, and especially on Justin Jefferson, who facemasks the Saints defender rather violently, uses that to get off the block, but then that defender and two other Saints key in on Jefferson.  It's triple coverage in the end zone.  One defender jumps too early, takes out the other defender in front -- clearing the way, and Jefferson scores the six.

8)  Dallas and Tampa Thursday Night.  Knew this game was going to make the list.  24-16 Bucs, nearing the end...

And I knew this play was going to make the list.  Prescott, right into the hands of the tight end.  Who then pops it right into the air and a Buccaneer comes in for the pick.  Saw that play Thursday night, and knew it was going to make the list.

I know, often, his numbering doesn't make sense, but this one ended the game.  So it really should be #2 to the one in Washington.  (Which I already know is on the list -- he said so on Sunday.  Hint:  I demanded it be #1, and it was.)

7)  Seattle-San Francisco, and this WASN'T the Refball.  Ball's at midfield, 3rd and 10 for the Seahawks.

Right in the hands, right out of the hands.  The old saying "If you get it in your hands, you have to catch it..."  That is, unless San Francisco is supposed to win the game.

6)  Return of the Doink Time.  Three this week for 11 for the season.  Jake reiterates his case for the magnetic balls and goalposts.  And he's right -- doinks used to be quite rare.  Now:  11 in 5 weeks?

1.  Miami-Cincinnati.  Looks like an extra point.  45 seconds to go in the game, Dolphins down seven, 31-24.

Ball looks like it's going to split the uprights, but is sent to the left side, off the left upright, no good.

2.  Raiders-Patriots  14-7 Pats inside the two-minute warning of the first half, and we have a Gay field goal attempt from 49.

Boinks off the left upright (a bit more natural of a flight than that MIA-CIN one), New England gets the ball and yardage, scores another touchdown before halftime, off to the races.

3.  Cleveland and the Jets.  Looks like another extra point.  6:15 to go in the fourth, and Cleveland has just scored to take a 12-10 lead...

Only to have the extra point, with no wind, head right to the right upright, bonk off, and you can figure out the rest.

5)  Atlanta-Baltimore Sunday night.  It's overtime, and Michael Penix is on the bench.  And that means it's Tua Time!!!  Baltimore has just scored a touchdown, Atlanta must now too.

And he throws it blatantly to a covered receiver where the pick is insanely easy.  Game over.  That will make at least three DIRECT end-of-game slop situations this week.  And there may be more.

4) Back to Seahawks-49ers, and a Seahawks defender tries again to go low on a ball carrier and completely whiffs it.  23-21 Seattle, five minutes to go in the third.

But Deebo Samuel then fumbles the ball, loses possession to the Seahawks, and gets injured on the play to boot!  (Which Jake declares the injury scripted too.)

3) Chargers-Broncos, and I think this was the overlaid play.  10-10, one minute left, 3rd quarter.

Charges through a pile of players.  At least 5 Broncos whiff the tackle (on top of Vidal just waltzing through the pile of bodies), touchdown Kimani Vidal.

2) Same game, and it's another apparent Justin (S)Herbert scripted interception.  20-17 Denver, about 3 minutes to go in the game, and here it comes...

Right to the defender at the 40. 

1) You know it.  I called it and demanded it.  The either thrown or criminal last play of Commanders-Giants for the draw.

It hurts his soul to include it -- that's what he said!

He doesn't even want the play on the list!  He said that too!

The most disappointing play (to him) that can ever be the #1 play...  What...  Is Jake the Awake Asshole a Commanders fan?!?!?!??

And the defenders, as he says, saying "The Commanders just being the Commanders."

No.  FUCKING NO.

That was a DESIGNED QUARTERBACK ROLLOUT.  That was the only play they were going to run there!

You cannot be that fucking stupid.

"So this just proves:  NFL fanboys are literally some of the dumbest, stupidest, most gullible, naive fools in the entire world."

"... a foolish boneheaded mistake..."

You're Fired, You're Fired, You're Suspended: Odds and Sods, October 13

• Max Caster was a professional wrestler whose main gimmick was rapping and mouthing off and getting close to the line.  After the first several years of AEW, he was finally signed to TNA.
• He lasted one night.  His rap that night concerned the attacks on Riyadh -- and since TNA is now a WWE-adjacent company, given WWE's ties to the Saudis...  He's been fired.
• Harrison Mevis has been fired from the LA Rams for miscues leading to their 2-3 record after last night.
• And more bad news for the Bears:  Montez Sweat, banned two games for the performance-enhancing drugs policy.  No, he's probably not ON the stuff.  It's probably that he tested positive for a masking agent.
• And LATE WORD, sources say to Adam Schefter:  Alaric Jackson of the Rams has been banned two games himself!  That punch he threw at the postgame last night will cost him the next two!  This will cost him another about $543,000, according to Spotrac.  And it's the second two-game suspension he's received, receiving a Personal Conduct two-gamer offseason 2024 for filming a woman without her consent.  The 2025 lawsuit from that incident, however, was dismissed.
  
• AND he still might face a misdemeanor domestic violence charge on a 2026 arrest, which might cost him another six!  Well, if there's any further need to question why the Rams are being depushed, here you go!
• Tyreek Hill's NFL career is definitely over now.  Even though it was a mixed verdict, his wife was awarded $500,000 when Hill was found liable for two batteries of her.  At barest of minimum, he probably faces at least a year suspension if not longer, because they're two separate incidents.  A number of other claims were denied, as well as her request for punitive damages.
• I think it might be time for us to force these satire accounts off X.  I basically got caught on one and then had to pull it back -- a story on a 13-year-old seeking $15M a year in NIL from college from the time he enters the 10th grade.  However, the best satire is that which actually has a breath of truth.   

2026 Week Five DUD OF THE WEEK Awards

Usually, I combine this with the Political Rankings.

This week, it might well be too long.

AFC Nominees:

Las Vegas:  What the Hell was that?  Does this now mean that you are not for real and New England is?  Because, while Kansas City had to fight to beat you, that was a BTA job on your asses by the Patriots.

Cleveland:  After the Amazon Broadcast Team in Week Four did a fine job with Rapist Rehabilitation...

The Amazon Crew For Week 4:  For propping up that rapist son of a bitch in Cleveland, by the way, especially given what happened to them in Week 5!!

The 0-5 Club:

Miami:  We need to seriously have a talk here.  You're 0-5, four by double-digits.  And you weren't even the worst 0-5 loss of the week!

The Chargers:   FUCK YOU SPANOS!  It might still be a month before you even have a chance to win...

Tennessee:  Ho-ly shit.  If not for all the steaming bullshit that took place this weekend, you'd be Gold Medal easily.  You made the Packers from the Atlanta game look good.  You're at home, facing an 0-4 Houston team that's shown NOTHING, and you lose TWENTY-SIX TO THREE????  Are you fucking serious right now?  0-17 is a very real possibility with this crew.  58 points in five games.  You know, maybe grooming that rookie quarterback might've been a good idea.

Now the NFC Nominees:

Chicago:  Ow.  This league tends to give favor to teams which have suffered tragedies such as what the Bears suffered Friday.  So you go to Lambeau, against a very beatable Packers team, and you lay the royal freaking egg 31-7.

The Giants:  You don't get out of this so easy.  That was a blatant situation there, and you needed that to get out from under your own mistakes (not nearly as flagrant as the ones of your opponents) to salvage a draw.

Philadelphia and Dallas:  2-3 and going nowhere.

LA Rams:  The Chargers were supposed to go to the playoffs.  The Rams were the preseason favorites to win the Super Bowl.  They have two wins combined and don't appear to be ready to do much of anything.

Speaking of going nowhere, the NFC Suck:  The NFC Norris now has fourteen wins between the four teams.  Four of the six losses are in the division.  So what's your excuse, NFC South (Suck)?  Six wins between you, two of them in the division.

And now, the awards ceremony:

COLLEGE DIVISION DUD OF THE WEEK:

Bear Alexander of the Oregon Ducks:  Don't mind the apologetic homer on the X post here, but this was clearly something the team or the Big Ten needed to address.  Neither has.  Even if he's going after the ball, the punch is unnecessary and ejectable and suspendable.

Was this unnecessary? Yes. Was he intentionally trying to hit Nico? No. He was clearly trying to punch the ball out, not take a shot at Nico. https://t.co/8xFFb3tL0O

— Oregon Updates (@oregon__updates) October 12, 2026

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS:

Bryan Thomas and Jeremiah Trotter:  Both ejected for a brawl on the opening kickoff in London.  Given the NFL's new policy regarding specifically that, that's probably the only thing which probably has them both avoiding a further suspension for that idiocy.

Alaric Jackson of the Los Angeles Rams:  For something you probably missed. Jackson, jersey off, apparently approached Bradley Chubb of the Bills -- they exchanged "pleasantries", and the Ram slugged Chubb square in the face, and ESPN caught it.  We may find out how seriously the league wants to take it either tomorrow or Saturday, depending on what the league wants to do.

The officials in Seattle on Sunday, and the deliberate contradictions of the NFL Rulebook:  Already gone through it on the blog and in a number of different places on social media.  But someone please still explain to me why the ball is spotted where it passes the plane of the out-of-bounds, when a separate pair of definitions has the player still in bounds and the ball still in bounds because neither has touched out...

I do not know how recent that spotting rule is, but under that rule, the Santonio Holmes catch that won a Super Bowl for the Steelers is no catch.  The ball was already out of bounds before Holmes even caught it.

And, FINALLY, the medals:

THE BRONZE MEDAL:  Dre Greenlaw of the San Francisco 49ers

Who better be lucky that headbutt and his record with the league are only worth a one-game suspension (which he is appealing, and I hope he loses the Tuesday hearing on it!).  That's his eighth league discipline incident, his third ejection, and his second suspension (both suspensions within a calendar year).

And I don't care who provokes you -- a headbutt, especially on a helmetless player, is a suspension in my book.

THE SILVER MEDAL:  Minkah Fitzpatrick of the New York Jets

Earlier post on the one hit he did that took KC Concepcion of the Browns out of the game on Sunday.  That hit will draw a league meeting, because it will be his second strike against the Player Safety Points of Emphasis when fines are handed out on Saturday.

It won't be his only fine of the week.  He face-masked Concepcion four plays earlier for a big 15 (and a fine).

THE GOLD MEDAL:  For the most blatant lay-down Jake The Awake Special in a long time, The Washington Commanders

I stand by what I've said:

You can't be that stupid.

You either threw the game on league orders or you took money.  That there's no apparent criminal investigation is all I need to know.

2026 Week Five NFL Political Rankings

Oh, how fickle the Politics can be...

The DeRapist Rapist Redemption Tour derails, Chicago can't get head out of ass in Lambeau for the Mike Ditka Memorial, the refs can't seem to be consistent as to what's in bounds and what is not, let's not even DISCUSS Washington and a criminal or exposing finish...

What a week.  So much so, I'm splitting off Dud of the Week.  That gets it's own post this week.

And so here's where we are regarding the Politicals.  Starting in the AFC:

1) Kansas City

They did nothing this week.  And, hence, they stay where they are, especially because it appears that, for the moment (and I stress FOR THE MOMENT), they are the Political Super Bowl choice.  Guessing Kelce gets one more, retires with Mrs. Kelce, and some point around there we find out Taylor is pregnant.

2) Baltimore

By default.  The question is how long Jackson is gonna be out.  But if Tyrod Taylor can get a win over what was about to be one of the hottest moving teams in the NFC when Michael Penix got healthy, you have to make reference.

2A) Buffalo

Kinda the same point here, after that Monday night NFL production.  But don't look now, New England IS now 3-2 and has a win at Buffalo.  That's how big that Monday nighter got.

4) Jacksonville

Could be a "Services Rendered" here, as their stadium renovations have gotten rid of them all the way into November and eaten two home games besides!

Up a bit:

New England:  See above.

Down a bit:

Las Vegas:  The loss to Kansas City was somewhat understandable.  That performance against New England was NOT.

Cleveland:  Speaking of "What the Hell was THAT?"...

NFC:

1) San Francisco

2) New York Giants

That blatant of gifts by the situation (the officials in San Fran, the other team in New York) has to be a discussion that these two teams have hit a significant amount out in front of the rest of them -- POLITICALLY.

Still trying to figure out, after the Jed York thing, why the league seems to be favoring San Francisco so blatantly, but this is where we are in Week Five!

3) Minnesota

Another team I can't get a bead on.  Howinhell are these guys 5-0?  That said, there they are.

2026 Week Five Scoring Report

Let's see...  In the Monday nighter alone:

• 23 penalties
• 35 points in the fourth quarter
• A five-bagger (3 Cliffhangers, 2 Last Chance Misses)
• And the third overtime game of the week.

So that leaves us with this for the week:

• 208 penalties for the 15 games, almost 14 a game.
• The Packers had only 4 in their BTA job on the Bears (that went completely against NFL history type), meaning now the Cleveland Browns lead the league in flags.
• 726 points this week, 48.4 a game
• Season:  3684 points for 79 games, 46.63 a game
• Bad week for the home teams.  Only 4-9-1 this week.  Season:  40-34-1.  (.540)
• Historic week in one sense:  The first known time that a division went winless in a week in which at least two teams within the division played each other.  (NFC (L)East)
• Along with the three overtime games, six games finished outside of one score.
• Of those six, four were non-competitive, making 48/79 games within one score.
• And now the fun part:  
• Eight Cliffhangers, but only in 4 games:  Double Cliffhangers in London and the Sunday nighter, Triple Cliffhanger Monday night.  Meaning, for the season:  29 Cliffhangers, but only in 17 games.
• Nine Last Chance Misses in six games.  Double in the Monday nighter with the Triple Cliffhanger, Triple in that debacle in Washington.  Meaning, of the 48 games finishing within one score, 17 have changed or tied 2 minute warning second half or later, but 34 have had at least one team fail to do so.
• Multiples:
• Double Cliffhanger in London.  Philly gets the lead at 17-16 with eight seconds left, promptly gives up another huge kickoff return -- this one stands) and gets kicked out at the gun.
• Four-bagger, including a Triple Last Chance miss in that draw in Washington.  Tying and last scoring touchdown for 27-27 at 1:43 for New York.  New York misses a field goal two minutes into the overtime, three and out punt, New York fumbles it away first down at the Washington 24 at 1:55 left, you know the rest.
• Double Cliffhanger in the Sunday nighter.  TD+2 to tie it for Baltimore at 40 seconds.  Atlanta can't quite get it to an LCM on regulation.  Seven minute touchdown drive wins it in the OT for Baltimore.  Pick at the Baltimore 40 seals it.
• Five-bagger -- Triple Cliffhanger, Double Last Chance Miss -- in the Monday nighter.  James Cook breaks the tie for Buffalo at 1:39 of regulation.  The Rams tie it back up with five seconds left.  Buffalo then gets the ball first in OT, and fumbles it at the Rams' 22.  The Rams then get a field goal to win it blocked, and THEN finally Buffalo wins it just after the overtime two-minute warning.

2026 Supplemental Discipline Blotter: Greenlaw should NOT use his head.

• San Francisco:  Dre Greenlaw, banned one game for that headbutt.  Will cost Greenlaw a little more than $140,000.

This is, in fact, the third time since 2022 Greenlaw has been ejected.  November 18, 2022 (for which he was additionally fined about $10,000) for a helmet-to-helmet hit on Justin Herbert.  And another sideline altercation (the famous Big Dom one) December 8, 2023 against Philadelphia (for which he was also fined about $10,000).

And this is his second suspension.  Separate to that, he was suspended in October of 2025 for abuse of officials.

Since the beginning of his career in 2019, this is his eighth disciplinary action in the NFL.

Side note:  Penalty count for the week so far (with one fewer game because of the first byes -- and it's two of the better early-season teams, KC and Carolina), 185.  A few fewer than has been, but still a bit.

After Further Review: And yep, they found the counterexample...

And what a shock, it's the Chiefs!!!

From this season!

Watch the second part of the replay, at the sideline.  Remember, they're telling you the ball spots where it crossed the plane of the boundary.

But the Chiefs got a first down here.

Okay I'm confused again. This play happened *this year* and was ruled a first down. How is this not the same situation with the ball breaking the plane of the sideline before crossing the line to gain? I need consistency one way or the other https://t.co/QBGtMVmU6U

— Seahawk Nerd (@SeahawkNerd) October 12, 2026