Early 2026 Week One Fine Blotter Part One: Two uniform violations...

We haven't had the normal Gameday Accountability situation yet -- that's tomorrow at about 1 Pacific.

But two eyeblack violations have hit the Internet.

• Arizona:  Kei'Trel Clark, $6,651 for a "Glory Be To God" message, which has enraged the MAGA crowd.  I again remind them to look up the rule.  ANYTHING not approved by the league is fined.
• Houston:  Azeez Al-Shaair, $11,492 for the name of "Hind Rajab", a Palestinian girl killed by Israeli forces.  Kyrie Irving of the NBA has offered to pay the fine.

Wow, that was a scripted production...

There was no doubt that the Bills were going to win the first game in their new stadium tonight.

The Lions more than made sure of that with a number of indisciplined penalties, effectively zero defense, and basically a full surrender job after a turnover at 34-24 in the fourth.

But they still scored another touchdown to make it 41-31, and make the Buffalo Bills the first team in NFL history to go 2-0, giving up over 30 points in both games.

Let me give you an idea of how thrown this was on the part of the Lions -- AND how much the NFL had to struggle not to completely lose it's Amazon audience.

• The Buffalo Bills got almost 300 yards of offense in their first four drives in the first half, all resultant in touchdowns.
• It's 27-7, third down, Buffalo's driving again about their 40 yard line.  Josh Allen scrambles and appears to have the first down if he keeps running.
• So he shovels the ball off to a receiver, who drops it because he didn't expect, fourth down, the game's first Buffalo punt.
• With 6 seconds left, Detroit decides to run the ball to confuse the Buffalo defense, and Buffalo gets called for tripping the ball carrier.  (Only thing that would've mattered was the distance -- there WAS one second left and Detroit had a time out.)  Bugger if we could see it on the replay.
• Field goal -- 27-10 at halftime.
• At that point, I call it during the halftime...

So let's see.

A "bad decision" for the first Buffalo stop, a phantom tripping call, and it's 27-10 at half.

27-17 incoming, and perhaps more?? #TNF #Rigged ???

— Michael Falkner (@MichaelFalpxmr) September 18, 2026

• Wouldn't you know it?  27-17 after about a six-minute drive.
• But then the Bills dogwalk the Detroit "defense" on an EIGHT-MINUTE drive for 34-17.
• Then Detroit decides people still need to be watching the game in the fourth quarter -- five-minute drive, 34-24.
• They get the stop...
• And then 3 and out, and that's the surrender.
• Touchdowns are traded for 41-31, the final.

And I guess we, at least for Sunday, have to go on Record Watch.

The 72 points tonight means the first 17 games in this NFL season have now scored 862 points.  An average of 50.71 points per game.

That is an NFL record for 17 games.  Remember that Week 1 tied the NFL record for most points in a Week 1 with 2002.  Only one game in that Week 2 beat the 71 -- and that was a 45-39 overtime game, also with Buffalo winning, this time over Minnesota.

OK, found it... The probable domestic violence angle to Monday Night's arranged Chiefs victory...

Jonathon Cooper of the Broncos pled not guilty just before the season started to a felony charge of strangulation and three misdemeanors.

The alleged altercation was in June, according to the Associated Press.

There's your answer, boys.

Cooper, like Jacobs, is on the Commissioner's List.

Time to amend my Dud of the Week List for Week 1.

Nope, we have a new winner.

And since I've already awarded the medals, this gets the DIAMOND MEDAL -- above gold.

And it deserves it too.

The winner?

The NFL itself!

For complete ignorance of the laws of this nation and the resultant abuse of the YouTube copyright system.

Why?

This.

This is what shitposter UrinatingTree had to do to get a Week 1 Sportsball commentary piece out this week, after a number of attempts yesterday ended in NFL copyright takedowns to refuse monetization of the video.

I tried everything I could to get this out tonight, but couldn't get it done. I'm sorry, guys. I think I have a solution that gets through, but I'm worried it'll be borderline unwatchable. https://t.co/dKMQO7fMfQ

— UrinatingTree (@UrinatingTree) September 17, 2026

Don't get me wrong.  I am certain UrinatingTree is getting targeted here.

After all, he's talked so much shit about the Steelers that, without even Tweeting them directly, they blocked him.

And before anyone questions it, here's the Fair Use Index from the US Copyright Office themselves.  Unless they want to declare all game content to be damaging to the monetary interests of the NFL, this qualifies under Fair Use.

The NFL does not want their games shitposted, even by someone as skilled as the Yinzer.

So what happens next?  Do the game streams of commentary from the likes of UrinatingTree and Tom Grossi get yoinked?  After all, the disclaimer on all the other sports is "pictures AND accounts"!

Assholes.

After Further Review, Jake The Awake, Week 1

I don't agree with a lot of his non-football stands, but Jake the Awake does a nice job of chronicling plays he believes show the "rig-aroni with a side of baloney" the NFL has.

Unlike me, Jake concentrates more on what he calls "slop plays" -- plays that show that the players are more like professional wrestlers and choreograph plays to ensure results.

(With one usual exception that I think we will see at least one of.  I'll get to that.)

So, here's Week One's Top 10 of Jake's Slop Plays.

And, already something to note:  Denver missed so many tackles Monday (28) that they gave up the most yards after missed tackles in eight years (247).  So, knowing Jake as I do, I have a feeling there will be more than one play from that game to back up the top of the video bullet point there.

This isn't even in his Top Ten, but the first part shows that two Broncos players basically pantomime tackling Patrick Mahomes on his touchdown run.

10)  Detroit-New Orleans. 14-0 Detroit, and they have the ball after a New Orleans turnover in the 3rd quarter.

Amon Ra-St. Brown appears to have a route that's going to take him through three New Orleans defenders.  First defender takes the other receiver, second one pratfalls, the safety never helps, St. Brown catches wide open for the score.  21-0.

9)  Dallas-Giants.  58 seconds to go in the half, 7-7.

Dak Prescott, per Jake, is the most-highlighted player in the history of his Slop Plays series, and it's interceptions, usually.  Scrambles backwards INTO pressure.  Throws an abject DUCK a mile into the air off his back foot, only player who can get it is the player who can pick it on the sideline for the Giants.

Stands to reason, doesn't it?  Prescott would have to be a coparticipant in a lot of this with how the league cannot feasibly afford the Cowboys to be representatives as champions.

8)  Packers-Vikings.  No, this is not the drive in which the Vikings were all but handed a score either through mass indiscipline or the refs. 25-22, 3rd and 17.

And the Vikings just jailbreak the shitty Packer O Line, which had the worst pass block rate in the league for Week 1 -- and not close!  Back-to-back sacks, back-to-back fumbles, and the Vikes get the ball to start the rout.

7) Packers-Vikings, next drive.   4 minutes to go, 32-22, and Jordan Love needs to make a comeback...

And he throws a pick that almost gets returned all the way -- three plays later, it's the Vikings' third touchdown of the quarter for the final score.  Even though he had three open receivers on the play, including one cutting at the other side of the field with NO ONE CLOSE.

6) And here we go with the exception, when Jake breaks out his singing voice.  "Return of the Mack" -- I mean, "Return of the Doink", a chronicle of all the videos of doinks, which Jake almost certainly correctly notes are magnet-assisted.

SF-Rams in Australia (if the ref is going to use the goal signal for a field goal from Aussie Rules, doesn't that mean this one is only worth one point if it had been made?), Arizona-Chargers (particularly flagrant one, looks like the kick is straight to the left and curves out to doink out the RIGHT SIDE), and I thought I heard at least one in the Monday nighter as well which was MADE...

5) Chicago-Carolina -- you almost could've seen this one coming for at least one play.  24-24 near halftime.

Caleb Williams escapes pressure and finds a seam in the pocket to start running.  No problems here.  And he's got one guy to beat...  Except the guy literally runs out the back of the end zone to take himself out of the play for the free touchdown, Williams' second on the ground in the first half.

4) Eagles-Commanders.  17-16, six minutes to go in the game.

Three guys give Dallas Goedert a cushion, and all of them can't be arsed to make the play.  42 yards later, Goedert gets his second TD of the game, and that basically IS the game for Philadelphia.

3) New England-Seattle, and it's the suspicious interception.

Off the back foot again, and the only guy who can get it is wearing Seahawks colors.  Game over, champs win, thanks for coming.

2) Chiefs-Broncos. 7-7. late second quarter.

Rashee Rice gets the ball and one player completely misses him, even though he is otherwise squared up on him.  He doesn't even remotely attempt to wrap up on him.

1) Chiefs-Broncos, no score...

Until at least two players don't even try to tackle Mahomes for the Chiefs first touchdown.

2026 NFL Week One Political Report

It's far too early, obviously, to speak in terms of an order of teams in each conference.

That, however, said:  We CAN at least go Stock Up and Stock Down, in no particular order.

AFC:

STOCK UP:

Kansas City.  Boy, did that game look familiar.  Seven times in the first three quarters, ESPN showed Mrs. Travis Kelce.  Patrick Mahomes was healthy.  The referees appeared to be in full effect.  And the Broncos had no material chance whatsofreakingever.

Baltimore.  In what many believe might be Lamar's last real shot in Baltimore, they got off to a good start.  But if Mahomes stays healthy, could it also be familiar to see Lamar hit a granite ceiling?

Buffalo.  Another "same ol' song and dance" motif.

STOCK DOWN:

New England.  That looked awfully suspicious in the opener.  The real question is going to be what happens, especially to Drake Maye, going forward.

LA Chargers.  One of the most listless performances of the entire weekend.

Denver.  Got run over by the Patrick Mahomes buzzsaw, and it really makes you wonder what shot they really have to accomplish anything.

NFC:

STOCK UP:

Chicago.  The problem being that people are really believing that defense in Chicago is completely non-existent.  One pundit even joked that the Bears might need to break the scoring record for a team for a season to have any real shot at a successful year.

Detroit.  Got a lot of help to beat New Orleans, and if that plays out more later in the year, the NFC North is open to them.

San Francisco.  Especially with the LA Superteam flaking apart, that win might be FAR LARGER than any will admit.

Seattle's more a "we'll see".

STOCK DOWN:

Dallas.  Especially if you're going to continue to be given the media front-and-center of the league's most-valuable franchise, you gotta do better than that!

Green Bay.  Gee, did that look familiar -- with the shoe on the other foot, Mr. Jacobs???

BTW, Green Bay opened a 6.5 point favorite at the Jets.  It's been bet to -4.5 already, and I'll be surprised if they're giving more than a field goal.

Carolina.  Oh dear God no.  The defensive coordinator should've been fired today for THAT performance.

LA Rams.  You not only get blown out by the 49ers in Australia, you've now lost Garrett for at least a month.

2026 Week One Score Report

Starting with an addendum to the Dud of the Week.

That performance by the Denver Broncos was an embarrassment to the league.  It won't make the stand for the award, but that gets at least a mention.

Not that the game wasn't basically certain for the Chiefs and Mahomes to begin with -- including, according to vlogger Tom Grossi, showing Taylor Swift SEVEN TIMES in the first three quarters.

• Another way you can probably think the game was rigged.  They needed 41 points to tie the record for the most points in a Week 1. (791)
• They got exactly 41 points for the 791 total.  And that was after a 13-10 and 27-7 pair of games to start it.
• Another interesting statistic from Reddit:  For the first time in league history, a 16-game week has ended with every game having a different point differential.
• Home teams were 10-5 this week, including every game late window on forward except the Chargers.
• 3 Cliffhangers this week -- Three instances in two games in which a tying or winning score comes in the last two minutes or overtime (Buffalo, double in Detroit), 
• 6 Last Chance Misses -- in which any play in the last two minutes feasibly can tie or win the game but is missed.  However, that was only in four games.  Washington missed a tying two in the last two minutes, then the onside.
• And then we had a four-bagger in Detroit.  Cliffhanger for the Saints at 1:07, a field goal missed at the gun for the Saints.  An overtime touchdown for Detroit, but with the new rules, New Orleans could get the touchdown back -- but then missed the two-point conversion to win it.  2 Cliffhangers, 2 Last Chance Misses
• 6 games were non-competitive, in which the game never got within eight points in the fourth quarter.
• And 2 more were within 8 at some point in the fourth quarter, but finished outside it, meaning half the schedule ended up comparative blowouts.
• And the final 3 games finished within 8, but, in all three cases, the winning team had the ball for more than the final two minutes.