I've had a couple of days to reflect after getting a series of announcements in one realm and views of reality in another...
I am reminded that I told my family on Facebook (a place where, out of the last 365 days, I MAY have been allowed to post half of them, at best!) a year ago to mentally prepare for my funeral, and that only the cowardice of the American Right would change that -- a cowardice I should've remembered from January 6th, 2021.
And the cowardice which is the only reason I make this post today.
Regretably, the other portion of the cowardice which has NOT gone away is the hatred and bigotry and all of that which the American Right has really brought to bear since the movement actually got a figurehead in Russian Agent Donald Trump seven years ago.
And now that we are (if one chooses to pay attention) aware of what this man and his supporters have probably done to this nation in that seven years, I think the only emotion I have left in reality -- be it to him, bigotry towards transgenders and others, etc. -- is a violent hatred of my own.
Because, unlike many of the people these cowards target, I've done shit.
And it's clear what these people would like to have happen, but they have no bravery to do it, nor do they have any understanding why the rest of us would call them on it, especially as it relates to what they believe (falsely) are God-given rights to them.
They state that they believe the Kiwi Farms-esque threats to transgender gamer Keffals are nothing but "free speech", even if they do, in fact, result in her death. Last report, the third attempt to house them has gone to the full-scale Dark Web in TOR. This, after various European lethal bigots were being given instructions to bomb restaurants Keffals frequented after she had been exiled from her home nation of Canada because of the first wave of death threats.
As they state it, "free speech" is a canard. All that has to happen is that the target of the speech has to be someone who surmounts (due to economic, political, or other reasons), the "No Duty to Protect" (or, more correctly, the "No Desire To Protect") from the Supreme Court Castle Rock vs. Gonzales decision. At that point, they will find a reason (and fill in the interpretative blanks) to get rid of the undesirable in the action.
I have friends of mine in these communities -- friends of mine I believe I am about to lose. And I say that, in no way, as a condemnation of them. But their cries are evident: "What is a person supposed to be allowed to have to take?" Friends of mine who live in terror every day -- terror authorized by the authorities because they, too, share the desire at an end result, but also sharing the cowardice and hiding behind their badges, including a Sheriff in our community who is among the hundreds of law enforcement Oathkeepers...
And, as my year tends to go, right around Columbus Day in October tends to suck quite hard. If I don't lose some of those friends by then, I see a major loss on my horizon that weekend. I lost my mother one Columbus Day weekend, my first college a second.
And the more I look at a lot of these bigots and conservatives, it is clear they have stacked the deck in their favor, including the police and authorities. I am already clear they want rid of me, but how much of that is my own actions, and how much of that is the people I tend to support, I can't say. (My guess: A little of Column A, a little of Column B.)
There is the Fall elections, in which, even after the Dobbs decision monstrosity, it still appears these fascist bigots and animals will get two bullets from the Presidency.
And then there is an announcement I was made aware of this week, regarding the basic origin of my feelings about "free speech" being a canard and what criteria can be used to silence speech (free or otherwise -- the question not being whether the speech was free in it's own merit, but whether the proposed "victim" was of enough worth to actually defend). All I will say, at this point, in that regard is that, to me, would be the easy way out -- the quickest way to either being put in prison or shot. And I've spent 53 years, 54 if what I expect to happen does not, not doing ANYTHING The Easy Way.
But the fact remains: If I am not shot and killed (and the scales are now tipping away from the MAGAts and toward the authorities and the paragraph above), or heading to prison or there by this Christmas, then something occurred in the about four months between now and then I do not expect. Perhaps continued cowardice, perhaps believing someone else or COVID will do it for them, I don't know.
But I do get the very real and urgent sense that I am about to lose something major and further first -- probably friends to bigots.
I guess, in closing, I say this: There is a line I heard once, and it was actually in a wrestling promo. It's a two-part saying, of which the first part is not true. Heaven does want me -- and, even with my sins and my misconducts and my anger and all of that, I still have faith Heaven will have me when my time comes.
However, the second part of it IS true... The saying is:
"Heaven don't want me...
... but Hell's afraid I'm gonna take over!"
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