2023 NFC Week One Political Rankings

You know the drill.  Standings are kayfabe, this is more what I think they're looking at at the moment...

1) Dallas

Was considering San Francisco for #1, but that was a first-grade ass-kicking tonight that has to put Dem Boys on top.

2) San Francisco

A hair over

3) Philadelphia

Though I do think Philly has more political weight than some of the other better performances in the NFC, San Francisco came in just a hair behind Dallas.

4) Green Bay

Had them higher at first, but Dallas' number against a national audience puts them up.  The thing is, Green Bay may have had the #2 or #3 performance in the NFL this week.

5) Detroit

Not sold, because I don't know if Thursday night was more to get Kansas City out of the way for Damar Hamlin than anything...

NFC DUD OF THE WEEK:

BRONZE:  THE BEARS STILL SUCK

Really?  Really???  You actually made Jordan Love look...  competent???

SILVER #1:  THE 12TH MAN THEY NEEDED ON THE FIELD

And a lot of people thought the Rams were gonna suck too, and that was a performance for the ages for the Cult.  The Dark Ages, maybe...

SILVER #2:  THE MINNESOTA SUNKEN SHIP

Yeah, people were thinking you'd take a step backward.

But losing to that Tampa team?  AT HOME???

BUT THE WINNER -- and it's not close:

THE NEW YORK SENTIENT DERP

Except I have to strike through "Sentient".  There was nothing sentient about that national lay-down job you did to Dallas tonight.  That may, bluntly, be one of the worst single-game performances in NFL recent memory.  (Yes, even worse than the Steelers against the 49ers, so Five Points can't have that over Urinating Tree...)