AFC:
1) New England
Six in a row, flying high, and it looks like Belichick may be the half of the matchup carrying the freight at this point in the season, even with not much else marketable and the rookie quarterback!
2) Baltimore
Oy. If tonight's performance is any indication, winning UGLY may become the norm for the Ravens. And, though that might do well on the kayfabe post, it won't do many honors here.
3) Kansas City
Kind of again the Watts/etc. quote: "You're a fuck up, but many people have come along who've fucked up worse than you did, so you go up the list without doing anything."
TIP OF THE CAP: Well outside any real consideration, but Miami now has four wins in a row and is knocking on the door of a playoff spot.
AFC DUD OF THE WEEK: NOMINEES:
CAPTAIN FATFUCK AND THE MEN HE LEADS: Dude, you're DONE. On and politically off the field, you're done, Worthlessberger. Or is it Rapistberger? And, on many other respects, so is your team.
I can hear "Days of Our Steelers" and UrinatingTree now:
(To the music of "Days of Our Lives":)
"Tonight, on 'Kill Me'..."
"Tonight, on 'Why The Fuck Am I Bothering?'..."
LOS ANGELES CHARGERS: Are you getting the idea yet that the NFL *MIGHT* want you to have some of these things called... FANS????
AFC DUD OF THE WEEK WINNER: THE TENNESSEE TITANS
Probably their formal bow-out from the top tier in the AFC, and an introduction to the heavy lifting toward Brady vs. Belichick.
NFC:
1) Tampa Bay
From Gary Gramling on Sports Illustrated and their discussion of the Thursday and main-Sunday games on their website:
"Officials Leave Their Mark in Indy Again: It’s unclear whether it was Frank Reich or Matt Eberflus who peed in the punch bowl at the Fraternal Order of Back Judges Annual Gala, but the pass interference flags that came out in the third quarter against the Colts were both game-altering and utterly brutal. There was a mutual-hand-fighting, 37-yard penalty that Scotty Miller(!) drew to set up a Bucs touchdown, and on the subsequent drive a third-and-goal stop was erased by a phantom P.I. flag that, if anything, should have been thrown on the offense. Instead, it resulted in a free four points for Tampa."
Psst. Mr. Gramling... Indianapolis was leading by 10 at halftime. Who were they playing?
THAT'S RIGHT! The Fucking Tom Bradys!!! If there are three types of penalties a conspiracy-minded football fan should be looking at the next three months: Offensive holding, Defensive Pass Interference, and Roughing The Passer. All three subjective, all three horrifically slanted-called (or not-called), etc.
ANYONE who is surprised by the events you chronicle in the third quarter of that game has no clue of the NFL, it's agendas, or the last 20 years of it's damn history!!!
2) Arizona
Really because there's no other team with a political push in the NFC right now. Nobody:
- Does anyone really think the Packers won't, at maximum, get served on a platter to the Tom Bradys again, especially with COVID-12 their only Q-Rating player? And get that foot of yours off the screen, Rodgers -- that's gross.
- $850 million is about to come out of the Rams' hides. Maybe this LA Experiment wasn't a good idea after all. SHUT THE FUCK UP, E. STAN KROENKE!
- What the fuck has happened to Dallas? Yeah, they might get there, and they MIGHT be a backup plan of some kind (we still haven't resolved Antonio Brown's vaccination card fiasco, to my understanding!!), but it was clear there was some serious pro-Las Vegas Refball in that middle game on Thursday! (That's another one you acknowledge as has happened -- but you ask WHY did the NFL lose it's own plot? And, to "Unknown": This is why you keep an eye on what's going on on the field, and then determine if you think the games are fixed/rigged/thrown/etc. Not numerology, no Freemasons or Illuminati involved.)
- Yeah, sounds like New Orleans is about to faceplant...
NFC DUD OF THE WEEK:
You know what, instead of nominees, because there isn't really any one of the four who goes above the rest, I got FIVE WINNERS, no particular order and winners in equal respect:
1) THE LOS ANGELES RAMS, OR, MORE SPECIFICALLY, E. STAN KROENKE
Especially with the situation with the Chargers (see above), you'd THINK you would not rattle the cage Al Davis-style. But you did, and since you have, three losses in a row to the Titans, 49ers, and Packers, and now even the All-Star NFL Showtime you're trying to put in LA (I see you there, Odell Beckham Jr.!!) is probably not going to be enough.
Blame your owner, his litigiousness, and his fucking mouth.
FUCK YOU, KROENKE!
2) THE DALLAS COWBOYS
What. The FUCK. Was THAT???
Look, I get there was Refball and a LOT OF IT. But you can't tell me, in that position against one of the lowest politically-inclined contenders in the entire league, you can't put together a win in the Tryptophan Special and solidify your position. Something has happened in Dallas, and it probably isn't as obvious as past years and it may not even be public. But I've seen this song and dance the better part of a DECADE. The rot starts at the top. That's you, Jerreh.
3) THE CAROLINA PANTHERS
Good. GOD.
Hey, tip hat to Miami for getting the ship righted, but...
Hey, Cam, you still "Back!" yet?
So bad today, you got fucking BENCHED!!!
4) THE NEW ORLEANS SAINTS
Of course, you might pin this on their M*A*S*H Unit of an injury list, but the wheels have come off hardcore on this bus...
5) THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES
Sreiously? 7 points against the GIANTS????
I am also doing this five-some as an example: The NFL is trying to cover for a lot of SHIT TEAMS right now by basically parity-messing with the entire league on "The Biggest Season Ever!!!"...
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