NFL Week 2 Political Rankings

(No, I don't think anything that's going to happen between the Packers and Lions is going to change anything, except PERHAPS the Dud of the Week -- and if that happens, I'll denote it in the Score Report and update here.)

Well, that was interesting.

Especially after two interceptions Lamar Jackson threw which appeared to be directly at Tyron Matthieu (or at least that he was the only one who could catch it) AND a phantom Ineligible Man Downfield which cost the Ravens two points (I didn't know "falling forward" was enough to trigger the "moving forward after being blocked" portion of the Ineligible Man Downfield -- and yes, NFL, I researched your own 2021 Rule Book (Rule 8, Section 3, Article 1, Item 2 -- page 33) on the subject...), I thought this was a LOCK for Kansas City...

But, lo, a late turnover and Baltimore wins!!  So my standing assumption on Andy Reid is probably going to run the day -- since this situation is going to be over the league's head into 2022, Kansas City is probably going to lose a playoff game right about like...  THAT!

So watch that space.

Anyhow, in lieu of a Kayfabe Standings, I'll list the undefeated teams by conference and then give my rankings:

AFC:  2-0:  Las Vegas and Denver.

That's it.

That's all.

I am actually serious.

I don't think Denver is in any position to be taken seriously, Political-wise.  If the situation continues to deteriorate in Green Bay and Rodgers actually fanagles an in-season trade to Denver, then we might talk!!!

So here's my Politicals for Week 2:

1) Baltimore

I can't seriously put Las Vegas #1 (even though I do clearly believe they will be 3-0 after dispatching Miami next week...).  But when you can basically go over in the Game of the Week, one which very easily could have playoff implications with respect to home field...

2) Las Vegas

I will put them #2, however.  That is two fairly solid wins to start the season, even if Captain Fatfuck, Leader of Men is more than washed up.  And tonight's win by the Ravens over the Chiefs makes the Week 1 Vegas win over Baltimore even more prescient!  This could very seriously get to at least 5-0...  But, again, you do have other desires, and I can't think some of the conservative faction of the NFL is going to be crazy about a currently-playing NFL player being out.   (1 solo tackle against Pittsburgh)

3) New England

For no real other particular reason than they got the W today and I'm still sold on Brady vs. Belichick.  It won't be easy getting there, but...

DUDS OF THE WEEK

MIAMI:  If you're not going to show up, just forfeit the game.  That 35-0 loss to Buffalo was Buffalo's largest shutout win over you guys in FIFTY FIVE YEARS!!

KANSAS CITY:  Only for that you were all but GIVEN that one on a silver platter multiple times, and you STILL found a way to fuck it up.  Get a real head coach, and you might be this sport's next DYNASTY!

NEW YORK JETS:  How much longer do we even have to BOTHER calling you an NFL franchise?

JACKSONVILLE:  Tony Khan, get out of the NFL and out of soccer (Fulham was relegated out of the EPL last year) and concentrate on what you and yours are actually GOOD AT.  Huge four-hour Grand Slam airing/taping Wednesday night at Arthur Ashe Stadium -- the 18,000 expected will be the largest crowd All Elite Wrestling have ever performed in front of.   (And probably will have more fun than the 58,000 who got subjected to the Jaguars.)

LOSER OF THE WEEK, AFC EDITION:  A draw between Miami and the Jets -- two teams who didn't show up at all.

0-2:  The Jets, Jaguars, and Colts.

That's right, guys:  ELEVEN of the sixteen AFC teams are 1-1.

NFC:

2-0:  Tampa Bay, Carolina, San Francisco, LA Rams, Arizona

1) Tampa Bay

Oh Kee-Rist...  I've been believing that this season in the NFC was literally Tampa and everybody else, but this seems to give that far more credence.  No one expected Atlanta to put up much of a fight (I was right -- if the game got close to the 50's, much less 70's, the cover was easy!), but it's clear that, if this team doesn't have one epic bad day, the only question is whether Tom Brady is upright for all 17 weeks!

2, 2A, and 2B)  The AFC West, other than Seattle

Probably Rams slightly ahead of SF, ahead of Arizona.  But that's going to be one HELL of a division.

DUDS OF THE WEEK:

I think we have one clear winner in the NFC:

NEW ORLEANS.  WHAT.  THE FUCK.  WAS THAT???  Look, maybe that people are going to be able to return to New Orleans quicker than expected blew up a narrative, but you didn't have to be THAT BAD this week, unless we find out tomorrow night that Detroit was supposed to be the team favored by 11 points!!!

THE NFC NORTH:  2-6 after two weeks, and the only reason I know that is that the Monday nighter is within the division.

LOSER OF THE WEEK, NFC EDITION:  New Orleans, not close.

0-2:  Minnesota, the Green Bay-Detroit loser, the Giants, and the Falcons