NFC EAST
Divisionals: NFC North, AFC North
No gifts here for a division that is,
to be polite, a mess.
WASHINGTON (9-7 Pythagorean +0.78)
They better make hay early, because it
gets real tough there in the middle. If they aren't 5-1 through 6 or
thereabouts, any hope of a good season goes out the door quickly in
the middle 6-7 games. 8-8, and they might need 4-2 just to get
there.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (7-9 Pythagorean
+0.24)
May have made the biggest move in
determining possible Super Bowl implications, but in the trade they
made to MOVE a quarterback rather than get one. 5-11 in a rebuilding
year.
DALLAS COWBOYS (4-12 Pythagorean
-1.20)
The Cowboys are the ultimate case of
that they should be getting pushed because of a huge-name
quarterback. Sadly, the team is in such disarray right now and Romo
is injured (and possibly DONE!) on top of it! 5-11.
NEW YORK GIANTS (6-10 Pythagorean
-1.51)
Another one of those divisions that
effectively goes to you by default. And not much more need be said
about a team that always seems to be about one week from getting the
coach fired. 8-8.
There's always got to be one division
in the Goodell NFL that's “First to Eight Wins It”. Here you go.
NFC NORTH
Divisionals: NFC East, AFC South
For two teams that might put up some
gaudy record numbers, about as good as you can get.
GREEN BAY PACKERS (10-6 Pythagorean
+0.77)
I'm really of two minds. First, I
think the NFL has begun a permanent de-push on the Packers for a more
corporate-friendly situation in the next phase of post-9/11 NFL. Not
only that, but two PED suspensions and nearly a third can't wear well
with the league.
That said, they do have Aaron Rodgers,
and, frankly, a very favorable schedule. That could lead a couple of
very interesting directions. They get Seattle in the regular season,
and I'd be surprised if they don't meet again in the playoffs.
Exactly where depends on whether Sam Bradford can complement
God-Fearing Child Beater into status as the NFL's Poster Child.
They are favored in every game they
play, but they open Minnesota's new stadium in Week 2. Schedule says
13-14 wins. I'll mark it back to 11-5 because...
MINNESOTA VIKINGS (11-5 Pythagorean
+1.23)
… I think the league really really
wants to push God-Fearing Child Beater. The Pythagorean and a
division title last year began it, and I think they're getting
another one this year.
In a league that's pro-violence against
women and children and anti-gay, Adrian Peterson is poised to be The
Man in the NFL.
I would not have done this at all if
they didn't at least get a serviceable name to replace Teddy
Bridgewater. Sam Bradford is a name, but he doesn't have to be The
Name, because of who's behind him. I'm going to pick 13-3, but if
I'm wrong about the league pushing Peterson, 8-8 could be more
likely. This is going to be one of the most obvious rig jobs if the
Vikings are pushed to Super Bowl LI.
DETROIT LIONS (7-9 Pythagorean +0.05)
And now the two teams who probably are
more likely than most to have to post apologies to their fans for
having to broadcast their games.
If there's one guy the dirty hits and
fucked rigged rulings on the field have more directly driven out of
the league than Calvin Johnson's retirement, I'd like to find it.
5-11.
CHICAGO BEARS (6-10 Pythagorean -0.41)
Less said about these guys, the better.
4-12
NFC SOUTH
Divisionals: AFC West, NFC West
Hoo boy.
CAROLINA PANTHERS (15-1 Pythagorean
+2.85)
I had written something different
before last night. It is now clear that Cam Newton will have to sit,
as at least three or four clear headbutt/charging incidents have
concussed Newton. Carolina is NOT on the list, and I think goes 8-8
as a result.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (7-9 Pythagorean
+0.45)
Perfect example of a name QB and no one
else. That used to help. It doesn't anymore. Count on a couple
possible bizarre wins at home, but anything better than 7-9 will
require somehow finding a D in “New Orleans Saints” to make it
worth pushing Drew Brees.
TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS (6-10 Pythagorean
-0.15)
Jameis Winston, nuff said. Not quite
his time yet. He's going to have to wait a couple more years for his
turn. When it comes, though, rape apologists are gonna love the NFL.
7-9, and that's Winston only. Schedule is more 3-13, 4-12 level.
ATLANTA FALCONS (8-8 Pythagorean +0.17)
Probably in a bit of a holding
pattern/mini-push for the new Space Station. 10-6 and the division
by default.
NFC WEST
Divisionals: NFC South, AFC East
Let's start with the easy one:
SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS (5-11 Pythagorean
+1.15)
If there were a team I could predict,
season beginning, to go 0-16, here you go. A franchise that, because
of discipline problems among the players and complete incompetence in
the front office, should be investigated by the league.
Saddest thing is they are going to be
the only team in the Bay Area in 12 months. A lot of people are
going to drop football in the Bay Area as a result.
LOS ANGELES RAMS (7-9 Pythagorean
+0.54)
Two years from now, expect a BIG
rig-push for this team. They might even get a rig or two this year
to help out because the league has wanted teams in Los Angeles for so
damn long, it's not funny! This year (and probably next) in the
Coliseum are about setting the table. 8-8, and that's with help.
ARIZONA CARDINALS (13-3 Pythagorean
+1.12)
Definite overachievers last year.
Hence, dial it one back to 12-4.
SEATTLE SEAHAWKS
I had heard a lot of scuttle on Seattle
in the off-season, and could not figure out why!! Then I saw the
propensity of dirty hits in the college games of the first weekend,
and got it full-square. The real question (and one of the reasons
any of five NFC teams could win the Super Bowl this year) is just
who's going to get the push.
If it's about blasting people's heads
off and smack-talking them so they jack you up in the post-game
handshakes (“I'm gonna punch you in the face.”), it will be
Seattle again, all the way. (And it's starting out that way – will
it still be that way in December and January??) If not, things could
go very differently. Another one of those teams, depending on who is
pushed, could go 13-3/14-2 or 8-8. It will be a defensive-heavy
presentation if Seattle is to return to it's third Super Bowl in
Druggie Carroll's run. Prediction is 13-3.
Seattle will edge Minnesota for home
field.
Atlanta 3, Giants 4, Green Bay 5,
Arizona 6.
Green Bay beats the Giants. Atlanta
beats Arizona.
And now it comes down to who gets the
push.
Green Bay-Seattle comes down to what
they want. I'm going to pick the Pack here, because I'm going to
pick Minnesota to upend Atlanta.
Much like the last Green Bay Super Bowl
victory, the NFL gets to push a marquee first-grade NFL rivalry...
… but this time, God-Fearing Child
Beater and the MINNESOTA VIKINGS go to Houston.
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