Another life made better by football! YAY FOOTBALL!!!

(hattip to my anonymous friend again, for the info AND for the title)

Because it's another sacrifice to the altar of football.

Mike Pyle, center for the 1963 Chicago Bears, died today after CTE-laced dementia put him in a group home and basically on the discard piles the NFL has left countless dozens of NFL players.

But, hey, he entertained us, right?

RIGHT??

YAY FOOTBALL!!!

*puke*

Deadspin Hits The Nail on the Head Again

I just drew a suspension for the first three games of the 1998 NFL season.

(I meant 1998 for a reason.)

How do I know this?

Deadspin strikes again!!

Meet the Deadspin NFL Punishment Generator!

First, it will ask for a verbal indication of "what you did".

Then, based on the answers to a number of questions, such as the involvement of audio and video, did you embarrass Goodell, the involvement of animals, were you sorry, did you cry..., the NFL Punishment Generator will determine your suspension.

Examples posted to the comments section (with the disclaimer that these are only as accurate (in any spoofs of real-life cases) as the answers to the questions the commenters gave in the specific cases are):

• Murdering a hobo with a box full of steroids gets you 10 games.
• Interrupting Peter King and Roger Goodell during sex, same penalty.
• Wes Welker, for his drug stuff and concussions, 3 games.
• Sports Illustrated actually came up with a different such generator, so the Deadspin staff has been suspended 8 games for the coincidence.  :)  (It appears the SI one is completely random, as you only put a verbal description of the offense in, and it writes a spoof letter from Goodell with your punishment.)

(For the aforementioned offense, I must now serve as Stephen A. Smith's personal assistant for two weeks.  (A less specific depictment actually would've gotten me a simple punishment of having to get Roger Goodell's tattoo somewhere on my body.))

And There's The Lawsuit...

Filed today, NFLPA involved.

You now have to think most (insane) options are on the table.

Including, at least in my personal opinion, if the NFLPA really wants to get uppity, a work stoppage from one side or the other!

There are definite Constitutional questions here, without any doubt at all, both in the appeal process and in the personal-property situation.

Strap in, and one word to Mr. Brady:  Watch your knees.  You probably will win an injunction to play, but that doesn't mean the Ginger Hammer isn't going to want to see you crippled by Week 4.

And Another NFL Suspension-Reduction Farce

And if you want another reason why, to Roger Goodell and the NFL, it is costlier to fuck with the NFL than it is to fuck with the police:

Pittsburgh's Le'Veon Bell has had his DUI suspension reduced from three games to two.

Keep this in mind with Tom Brady:  It is costlier to fuck with the NFL than it is with the police.

Super Farce XLIX, The Cheats: Brady got off easy, IF AND ONLY IF this legally stands.

I'm going to show you two incidents of leagues with far more integrity than the National Football League, and incidents in their championship matches which show that the leagues take it even a level more seriously when an egregious action "brings the game into disrepute".

They're both rugby.  This first one is from the 2013 English Rugby Premiership Grand Final between Leicester and Northampton.

Hartley, nearing the end of a first half where Leicester leads by 13 points to Hartley's Northampton side's 5, has already had one serious warning from the official at the top of the video.  So there's already been one exchange where Hartley has been smarting off to the official.

Northampton illegally (and disputedly) believes it has a penalty rather than a scrum, to the head official awards the option to Leicester, who takes a scrum, and another penalty is called on Northampton within the scrum.

All this in added time of the first half.

Hartley is then abruptly sent off.  He is the first player in the history of the championship match of that league to get expelled from the match.  The second penalty is decided to be kicked for three points, and halftime is blown with Leicester leading 16-5.  Leicester wins the championship 37-17.

And then we find out why the referee was so quick in sending Hartley off...

Hartley -- who, by this time, was already banned three different occasions by the league (and tacked two more on for a total of six since!) -- was reported for calling the referee a "fucking cheat".

For this, he was banned ELEVEN WEEKS and thrown off the British tour of Australia.

If you want to see a good analogue to Brady and the Patriots, look at this track record:

• 2007:  Banned half a year and forced to see a psychologist after an eye-gouging incident.
• 2012:  Banned 8 weeks for biting in a Six Nations match.
• 2012:  Banned 2 more weeks for a punch in a league cup match.
• 2013:  Banned 11 weeks for the above-referred incident.
• 2014:  Banned 3 weeks for an elbow to the head.
• 2015:  Banned 4 weeks for a headbutt, and thrown off the England 2015 World Cup team (they host, starting in September) as a result.

What this asshole is still doing in rugby is beyond any sense of my comprehension.  This guy has been banned over a solid calendar year for SIX different incidents in eight years.

But the point is here:  He's banned 8 weeks for biting after the gouging incident, but telling the referee off in a Grand Final is made eleven?  That tells you how important the English take their championship matches.

Now, to one of the most egregious championship match rugby fouls in the history of the game:  Ben Flower. 

Literally a minute and forty-five seconds into the Grand Final of the Super League (a different UK rugby league than previously mentioned) between St. Helens and Wigan, Wigan's Ben Flower absolutely cold-cocks St. Helens' Lance Hohaia, and then adds one to the unconscious Hohaia for good measure.

Rightly, he is expelled from the match.

The problem should be obvious:  What in the motherfucking Hell is Ben Flower doing committing such an obvious sending-off offense less than two minutes into the match, unless he was actually trying to fix the match?

That was not considered by the tribunal.  The league banned Flower for the longest time in the history of the league for simply an on-field act, six months.  It was believed, and possible, Flower could (and, especially that the incident no less than ENDED HOHAIA'S RUGBY CAREER!!!!, should) have been banned for life.

But the fact is that the incident took place as part of the championship match cannot be understated as an aggravating factor.

That said (and even I will admit this is a big IF -- though some early talk from ESPN's supposed legal eagles says Brady will lose), IF this legally stands, Brady probably got off easy.

The whole point of me bringing up these two incidents:

Anyone who wants to tell me the rout New England put on Indianapolis was not at least partially precipitated upon and partially aggravated by New England's illegal manipulation of their game balls is probably covering for the fix.

I'm not saying sole reason or aggravation by any stretch of the imagination, but the fact is that the increasingly-flagrant nature of this Deflate-Gate situation, as well as the aggravating factor of Spygate in the Patriot organization, must leave people to question how many of those four Super Bowl banners need to come down.

It is clear that the NFL doesn't care -- and, perhaps before the ratings came in from Super Farce XLIX, it was probably an Alfred E. Neuman "What?  Me Worry?" idea.

Now, it's going to be ENCOURAGED.  170,000,000 (minus a few of us who were awake) watching the rigged interception at the end spoke loud and clear.

Super Farce XLIX: The Cheats It may be time to reconsider my 2015 AFC prediction.

In what has to be considered a MAJOR surprise, Roger Goodell has UPHELD Tom Brady's 4 game Deflate-Gate suspension, setting up a Federal lawsuit and everything that's going to entail.

The only thing I can think of that would not represent a major sea change away from the Patriots is that Goodell expects to lose and is willing to use this as a means to be unable to suspend any player in the future for any reason whatsoever.

That, bluntly, would be right up Goodell's alley.  It also represents the fastest way for Roger Goodell to be removed as NFL Commissioner, by some degree of legal fiat.

I'll say right now:  As of before today, my Super Bowl prediction, based on the fact that the country has eaten up two of the most toxic sporting events in history this year, was New England vs. Dallas.

Super Bowl XLIX, Cheats vs. Thugs, broke all records by several million viewers, even though the country KNEW New England had no right to be in the game two weeks beforehand.

Any sports league with an ounce of integrity (and you can please insert your laugh tracks here) would've long since stripped the New England Patriots of the title and declared no champion for 2014-15.

America LOVED a bunch of drug-addled thugs playing a bunch of corporate cheats for the title, and there is no reason to believe the league game-fixers would not have wanted to double down.

Now, with Brady almost certain to hit The Nuclear Option on any most-favored relationship with the league (just ask Al Davis), there really are only two options at this point:

Goodell thinks he can win, or actually hopes he doesn't!

The problem with the latter approach is that it might be the one way someone steps in (and I'm NOT talking the owners -- I'm talking the result of the impending Federal lawsuit!!!) and rids the NFL of Roger Goodell.

Goodell has doubled down in the one way that, though we all know the NFL is far Too Big To Fail, might get an intrepid judge to stomp out Goodell.

But one thing is for certain, and you can ask any Oakland Raider fan of the last 35 years, and they'll tell you:

The one way to get on the NFL's bad side and destroy your franchise is to have a party openly sue the league with malice.

Tom Brady, to save his legacy and almost certainly at least the credibility of two of his team's championships, probably has to file a Federal lawsuit against the league in court, about six weeks before his team is scheduled to take the field in the league's season-opener.

Tom Brady has to become Al Davis, and, as a result, from my perspective, the AFC just got blown wide open.  Denver is probably too old, Indianapolis (who two major season-preview magazines have predicted would be in the Super Bowl) probably becomes a marginal favorite, and the rest is a real mish-mash to the point that several sources (including Harvard University) have actually posited the Miami Dolphins to be the AFC's favorite to go to the Super Bowl.

FIFA '15/CONCACAF: That Ended Well!!

(Hint:  No it didn't!)

First off, the United States loses the third-place match to Panama on penalties.  Probably a deserved result, but yet everybody wants to rag on Klinsmann.

Here's another hint:  He's too good for the quality of players he has.

The next match the USA will competitively play will be the playoff with Mexico for the Confederations Cup berth in October.

Not only is how they got there iffy, but they'll have a new coach when it's all said and done.

After two open referee-deliverances, Mexico Mexicoed Jamaica (who defeated the USA in their semifinal) 3-1 in the Gold Cup Final.

However, after which, at the airport to head home, Christian Martinoli, a Mexican journalist who has been quite critical of El Tri over the course of recent years, was punched by now-former Mexican coach Miguel Herrera, whose demeanor on the sideline, it is rumored, makes me look sane.

For this, today, Herrera was fired! And he should've been.

But isn't it always this way with Mexico (and CONCACAF in general)?  One step forward, how many back?

It's Clear Now: E-Sports Are COMPLETELY Out Of Control

Well, well, well...

I guess we knew this day was coming.

Last Wednesday, the New York Times reported that the Electronic Sports League, one of the big "e-sports" professional video-gaming leagues, is going to work with USADA and WADA to create a drug-testing program for video game players.

Let this process.

The final straw of this came when Kory Friesen said his team had used the ADHD drug Adderall (which is also usually used as a crisis drug in emergency mental hospitals) to attempt to focus in a game of Counter-Strike in a tournament recently.

You want to know why this is happening?

According to the Times article, total prize money for e-sports has now reached $71,000,000...

And about a quarter of that is in ONE TOURNAMENT!!

Look, I've been a gamer all my life, so I watch a lot of this stuff, especially the championships of League of Legends.

But this DOTA 2 tournament is out of control, and explains exactly why teams are, not unlike "real" physical sports, looking for every advantage they can.

The DOTA 2 tournament, run by the game's creators at Valve, was the first tournament to offer a $1,000,000 championship prize, in 2011.

Last year, they became the first to offer a FIVE million dollar championship prize.

This year, The International (the world championship of DOTA 2) has, once again, crowd-funded their prize pool to a current (as of the writing of this article) and staggering...

Seventeen million, five hundred sixty eight thousand dollars.

The winning team, as of right now (the number can still increase further, and probably will now that the group stages have started in the tournament, for advertisement of DOTA 2) will receive a mind-boggling about $6,325,000.

To give you an idea of how stupefying this is:

• The prize money for each of the four golf majors is now $10,000,000, with the winner receiving approximately $1,800,000.
• The top THREE teams from this tournament going on now will beat that number for a major golf champion significantly.  (The other finalist will receive about $2,725,000 -- meaning the final match in this tournament will be worth over three and a half million dollars!!  The third-placed team will receive a little more than $2,100,000 -- and that third-place match will be worth over $600,000.)
• If you took base salaries into account (according to Spotrac), the first-place prize of this tournament would only be outranked by 67 of the over 1500 NFL players this season.
• Cleanly divide that number by a 5-man team, and a player on the championship team would rank in the top 500 NFL salaries.
• It'd take 120 NBA players to beat the team payout for the champion team, since the minimum salary appears to be over $500,000. 
• It'd take 184 MLB players to beat the team payout, and a little over 400 to beat the individual payout.
• Oh, and one more number:  Twitch, the video-game streaming service which has utterly exploded onto the scene with the e-sports professionals, was sold last year to Amazon for $970,000,000.

Yeah, you think some of these guys wouldn't use drugs to get their hands on some of THAT kind of money?  On top of griefing (one team was expelled from the Oceanic League of League of Legends for having three players tossed for various griefing and harassment issues), illegal ringers (a prominent American franchise was banned for a "split" -- one season part -- from the second-level Challenger division on the North American League of the same game for using a team analyst as a player), etc.

Too much money, too fast.  Rein it in before you lose it all.

And today was the end of another inconvenience to ESPN...

Today was Keith Olbermann's final show on the network.

Here's his comments thereto...


To which I immediately commented on his lunch guests...

"Yeah, Bob Ley and Charley Steiner, two more inconvenient truths about to be fired by ESPN so they can suck more NFL dick!"

And leave it for another "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" moment from the National Freefall League...

Junior Seau is going into Canton this year.

His family is BANNED from speaking at the event.

Yep, you heard me, Junior Seau's family will not be allowed to speak at the induction of Junior Seau into Canton after his CTE-laced suicide sacrifice to the Great Altar of Football in 2012.

The New York Times reported that the Pro Football Hall of Fame told the Seau family that the standing policy for dead players was a tribute video, even though the article notes that Seau himself always wanted his daughter Sydney to introduce him.

Oh come the fuck on.

We all know what this is.

FOOTBALL KILLED HIM!!

Yeah, I said it, Canton.  THE MOTHERFUCKING "GAME" OF FOOTBALL KILLED JUNIOR SEAU!!

And you don't want to have to deal with not only THAT uncomfortable truth, but the uncomfortable truth of the effects it is still having on his surviving family three years on!!

Don't give me this fucking shit!

David Baker, executive director of the Pro Football Hall of Fame, tries to take the heat off the NFL (Dude, we ain't fooled):

“We’re not the N.F.L., but the Pro Football Hall of Fame,” said David Baker, the executive director of the Hall. “Our mission is to honor the heroes of the game and Junior is a hero of the game. We’re going to celebrate his life, not the death and other issues."

And with the NFL and ESPN, the jokes keep writing themselves...

Two more racism stories today...

First, Colin Cowherd punched his immediate ticket out of ESPN yesterday.

We knew since last week that Cowherd was going to be a victim of the cost-cutting at ESPN (some estimating up to $100,000,000 of salary was to be cut) and was going to be gone anyway.

Today, he's been fired completely (he's technically been removed from the air), probably by his own design.  There is already word he's been penciled in at FOX Sports.

ESPN fired Cowherd today for these racist comments made Thursday on his second-to-last show:

(Source of the transcript:  Deadspin.  Emphases mine.)

"I mean, the Marlins put a general manager in their dugout. People freaked out. You know, like, “Whoa!” It’s baseball. You don’t think a general manager can manage? Like it’s impossible? The game is too complex? Like, I’ve never bought into that. “Baseball’s too complex.” Really? A third of the sport is from the Dominican Republic. The Dominican Republic is not been known, in my lifetime, as having, you know, world-class academic abilities. I mean, a lot of those kids come from rough backgrounds, and have not had opportunities academically that other kids from other countries have. Baseball’s like any sport. It’s mostly instincts."

And today, according to ESPN themselves, he may well have doubled down!

"I understand that when you mention a specific country, they get offended," Cowherd said. "I get it. I do. And for that, I feel bad. I do. But I have four reports in front of me ... where there are discussions of major deficiencies in the education sector at all levels. ... It wasn't a shot at them. It was data. Five, seven years ago I talked about the same subject. Was I clunky? Perhaps. Did people not like my tone? I get it. Sometimes my tone stinks."

With Cowherd already a step or two out the door to begin with, today was his last show.

Second, Charles Haley, NFL Legend, with some advice for the rookies entering the San Francisco 49ers, courtesy of Yahoo!:

""I know they probably got mad," he said, according to the San Jose Mercury-News, "but I said, ‘Why don’t you all act like the white guys? You never see them in the paper getting high or hitting people. Why don’t you act like that?’ They all looked at me crazy.”"

The link was in the article, but at least it allows for the credit.

The Yahoo! article does, then, immediately note that a white player for the 49ers was charged with misdemeanor vandalism and pled no contest.

""The hardest thing is these guys, they have an attention span of a 5-year-old," Haley said. "I’m not the most gentle and kind person to sit there and deal with that crap. I’m a little more confrontational. I think I got my point across.”"

Oh brother.

And just to show, corporate hypocrisy also extends to sports entertainment...

Last night, the WWE scrubbed all ties with Hulk Hogan.

That's right.  You can no longer purchase merchandise on him, he's gone with any tie to the company, he's basically almost scrubbed like Chris Benoit was.

Why?

An audio, probably uncovered during Hogan's continued problems with Gawker, the same company which does Deadspin, of an interview Hogan did with purported racial slurs from three years ago is the RUMORED cause.

I'm not buying this for a second.

Why?

The WWE is a publicly-traded company, and touts diversity and inclusion (and said so in the statement terminating Hogan today).

Oh, the same diversity and inclusion that...

• Had them name their newest award at the Hall of Fame after the Ultimate Homophobe Warrior.
• Allowed them not to have any problem making "Millions of Dollars" touring Abu Dhabi recently, an area so homophobic they had to leave Darren Young home for his own safety!!!
• Oh, and let's not forget this bomb dropped on a WWE PPV, by Vince McMahon himself!!!

Yeah, Vince, pull the other one.  There's something much deeper here, isn't there???

Vince, this is one of the reasons I cancelled WWE Network after the last Wrestlemania.  Just sayin'.

Suspension Blotter: We're Up to 24 Already -- And another violence-toward-women cut...

• New Orleans Saints:  Cut Junior Gillete, a linebacker.  One of the 2014 team captains, the 5th-year player missed only four games the last four seasons.  He had been in trouble for domestic violence in January, but that charge got dismissed.  What got him cut was a video (yep, another one!) of him striking a woman with a belt in 2013 -- meaning he had no business on the field at least the last two seasons!  No More, right NFL???  You don't have a league under that standard.  (A more specific post on that later -- been planning this one for a while.)

With the latest spate of NFL suspensions, we're up to 24 off-season NFL suspensions.

Here's the latest additions since the last post I made:

• Dallas Cowboys:  I think I covered this in "The Beatings Shall Continue", but he got his suspension cut to four games.
• Denver Broncos:  Derek Wolfe, 4 games.  PEDs.
• Green Bay Packers:  LeRoy Guion, 3 games.  Marijuana and associated arrest.
• Kansas City Chiefs:  Sean Smith, 3 games.  DUI.
• Minnesota Vikings:  Jabari Price, 2 games.  DUI.

There's about three or four I'm missing, but I can't seem to find them.

That said, there's something interesting:

There are no Seattle Seahags on this list.

But there are two of each of the following teams suspended:

Dallas, Green Bay, Indianapolis, New England.

That's pretty much four of the big suspects as to who's winning the Super Bowl this year.

(I'll give you a hint:  As of right now, two prominent pre-season preview magazines have one of the two possible pairings as their Super Bowl matchup.  As of right now, I have the other pairing!)

FIFA '15 -- Pro-USA Fixers FOILED!

Jamaica 2 - United States 1.  Jamaica is in the Grand Final of the Gold Cup, and that means the USA will have to play a playoff against Jamaica, Mexico, or Panama (whoever wins the Gold Cup) to determine CONCACAF's Confederations Cup 2017 entrant.

(CONCACAF Gold Cup) You're kidding me, right?

Mexico and Costa Rica are about to go to penalties after a scoreless 120 minutes.

Until THIS happens (1:18-1:19 of the clip -- best angle I've seen of it):

Mexico wins 1-0.

It's Coming Apart At ESPN

There is major word out of Disney that they are trying to cut $100 million of payroll from ESPN.

Bill Simmons and Keith Olbermann were easy targets.

Colin Cowherd, however, is next.

Among other missteps, Yahoo! notes, is his "If they make me cover [gaming], I quit." statement.

With e-sports gaming and the like becoming an X-Games event, that probably pushed them in that direction.

One now has to wonder if ESPN may be making a major play, soon, for League of Legends or DOTA 2 content...

EDIT TO ADD:  Sounds like he's taking the money at FOX Sports.  (Deadspin)

(CONCACAF Gold Cup) You think they're trying for a certain result here???

Here's your quarterfinal bracket for the currently going on CONCACAF Gold Cup soccer tournament...

USA vs. Cuba

A Cuba team who we don't know who's going to show up (quite literally!!!) from game to game.  Seven players missed the first game, four missed their shock 1-0 win over Guatemala to get this match!

Two players have defected...

And then on the next part of the bracket, to face that winner...

Jamaica vs. Haiti

Now, don't get me wrong -- the "Reggae Boys" have been known to shake things up in CONCACAF from time to time.  But when you see the other half of this bracket, you'll know why I'm crying foul.

Because on that other half:

Trinidad and Tobago vs. Panama

and

Mexico vs. Costa Rica

(Please, though, a rematch of that 4-4 game tonight between Trinidad and Tobago and Mexico would be really nice right about now!!!)

Hmmmmmmmm...  You think CONCACAF is trying for a certain result here???

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM....

And another beating in Buffalo...

The offensive line coordinator for the Buffalo Bills has become the latest child abuser in the NFL, at least according to charges filed against Aaron Kromer in Florida.

As a result, Kromer has been placed on indefinite paid leave by the team while the process works out.

Kromer is rumored to have punched one boy on a Florida beach of a group of three who were fishing, and then threatening to kill his family if the police became involved.

Typical NFL Mafia behavior.  When are we going to realize that the games cannot go on unless people sign on to these types of beatings and actively support them as a fandom???

And, worse yet, these are Rex Ryan's Bills now. Is anyone going to start really holding the league to account, or can no one do that and remain gainfully employed, because Goodell, the Chief Thug, orders his minions to have the likes of Bill Simmons and Keith Olbermann fired?

In The Name Of Football, The Beatings Shall Continue...

• The NFL has reduced Greg Hardy's suspension to four games.
• A second Florida State player has been accused of assaulting a female -- this a non-student.  Dalvin Cook is now off the team indefinitely and will be arrested within days.  One has to wonder, at this rate, how many players will Florida State have, because how many Florida State football players have not beaten or raped anybody?

7/9/15 Side Notes

• The JPP fireworks saga with the Giants gets stranger.  Jason Paul-Pierre has not only lost his offer from the Giants, he has lost his right index finger to amputation.  Now, if he can't play, the Giants don't even have to pay him the franchise figure they laid down to him.
• Rory McIlroy is out of the British Open with a soccer-related ankle injury.

So these two situations have me ask the following question:


WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?


Seriously...

• Florida State has dismissed girlfriend-beater quarterback De'Andre Johnson -- but only after a Ray Rice-like video was released of the beatdown.

So, again, he gets tossed not for the violence, but for embarrassing Rape Enabler State.


Gotcha...

• And then there's the Clippers/Mavs saga.  DeAndre Jordan is back with the Clippers after all but signing with the Mavericks, and everybody wants to know howinhell that happened.

When are we going to understand that, until the press conference occurs, not even a signed contract is enough.  Who was that one coach who had a signed contract and then bolted before the ink was even dry on it???


And then there's the angle that the agent for Jordan is a friend of...  Mark Cuban.


Paging Mr. Silver.  Mr. ADAM Silver...

• Ray McDonald was finally charged today with false imprisonment and domestic violence.

Let's see if he gets convicted or conveniently let off.

Couple of follow-ups, 7/8/2015

First, more fireworks stupidity:

• CJ Wilson of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers may have ended his football career by being a "good patriotic American" and blowing shit up.  This one cost him two fingers.  His salary is not guaranteed for this year, and he didn't play much last year.
• Darwin Award Winner:  Some idiot decided to show off for his three year old child, shooting fireworks off his chest.  Died of the injuries today.

And this from USA Today:

• Pretty much confirmed now that Keith Olbermann's contract will not be renewed. 

Correction:  ESPN JUST CONFIRMED IT!  Olbermann is gone (end of the month), ESPN is going in "another [business] direction"...

"“Keith is a tremendous talent who has consistently done timely, entertaining and thought-provoking work since returning to ESPN. While the show’s content was distinctive and extremely high quality, we ultimately made a business decision to move in another direction. We wish Keith nothing but the best and trust that his skill and ability will lead him to another promising endeavor.”"

Suck my dick, ESPN.  Why not just whip out Goodell's cock and suck it on the air?

No wonder Jonathan Coachman is on your network now -- he's probably more legit than most of your other personalities.

And I see the weekend has provided us more examples of why America falls for it's sports stupidity...

As fireworks are continued to be shot off, we get example after example of how stupid Americans are, from this weekend...

• Probably the most culturally-significant one is how Bill Cosby has finally admitted to being a rapist fraud of the first fucking order, obtaining drugs to rape women -- the only question is how many, not how he got away with it so long in celebrity-obsessed Rape Culture America.
• Darwin Award Winner #1:  Texas, 28 year-old idiot who we wonder how he survived about age five.  Told not to jump into the water, told the person "Fuck that alligator."  Alligator heard him and ate him.  Dead.
• Darwin Award Winner #2:  Maine, former Disney World employee, played Gaston (well, no one who watched Beauty and the Beast anywhere can accuse Gaston of having an operational brain cell).  22 years old, and he decides, after drinking, to fire a firework off his head.  He's dead too.
• Darwin Award Winner #3:  Billings, Montana:  Firing fireworks off a canister on his hip, guy looks down to see why one didn't go off...  It did, he's dead too.
• Near-Darwin Award Winner, Sports Edition:  New York Giants Jason Pierre-Paul bought a U-Haul truck full of fireworks...  and now his hand is burned and has probable nerve damage as a result of his idiocy.

And people wonder, with the institutional bullshit going on and the types of idiots all over this country, how people could be so openly duped...

Suspension (And Arrest) Blotter, Just in Case Goodell Thought I Forgot About His League

• Green Bay Packers:  Andrew Quarless, arrested in Miami after firing a semi-automatic handgun after a dispute. Quarless did start 11 games last year, so the Packers will probably invoke "due process" on his ass rather than cut him outright.

And here's the suspended list so far, according to Spotrac:

• Buffalo Bills:  Marcell Dareus, 1 game.  Possession of a banned substance.  
• Chicago Bears:  Eben Britton, 4 games.  Drug policy, probably -- the league did not specify.
• Cleveland Browns:  Josh Gordon is banned.  Substance abuse repeat offender.  Suspended for at least all of this season.
• Dallas Cowboys:  Greg Hardy, 10 games.  Domestic violence.
• Dallas Cowboys:  Rolando McClain, 4 games.  Drug policy.
• Green Bay Packers:  Datone Jones, 1 game.  Possession of a banned substance.
• Indianapolis Colts:  LaRon Landry, 10 games.  PED repeat offender.
• Indianapolis Colts:  Ahmad Bradshaw, 1 game.  Marijuana possession.
• Miami Dolphins:  Dion Jordan is banned.  Substance abuse repeat offender, same situation as Gordon.
• New England Patriots:  LeGarrette Blount, 1 game.  Marijuana possession.
• New England Patriots:  Tom Brady, 4 games.  Ballghazi, for now.
• New York Giants:  Victor Butler, 4 games.  PEDs.
• New York Jets:  Sheldon Richardson, 4 games.  Substance abuse policy.
• Pittsburgh Steelers:  Le'Veon Bell, 3 games, and a fourth game check fined.  Same incident as Blount, but seen as more responsible for it.
• San Diego Chargers:  Antonio Gates, 4 games.  PEDs.
• St. Louis Rams:  Trey Watts, 4 games.  Substance abuse policy.

Odds and Sods, So far on July 3, 2015

• Kevin Johnson is suing Sacramento, the city in which he is mayor.  Johnson, who is facing suspicion of using public workers to do off-the-table work, sued the city (and the group he's doing it with, the National Conference of Black Mayors, hates his guts) to prevent several media sources from gaining access to his e-mails under the Freedom of Information Act.  Add in the controversial arena deal he may be forming to keep the Kings in Sacramento and allegations of groping women while on the job, and this piece of shit is not long for the mayor's office.  (Deadspin)
• A-Roid and the Yankees have resolved their bonus dispute on home run #661 -- the Yankees will donate the money to four charities.  $1,000,000 of the money will be split between three charities chosen by Rodriguez:  Special Operations Warrior Foundation, Pitch In For Baseball, and the Boys and Girls Clubs of Tampa.  The other $2,500,000 will go to Major League Baseball and it's Urban Youth Foundation, and Commissioner Blinded By The Light will consult with Rodriguez on how that money should be spent.  (Numerous media sources, Deadspin being one of them.)
• Bubba Watson, making friends...  In the light of the cancellation of all reruns of The Dukes of Hazzard over the Confederate Flag controversy (and anyone who doesn't realize that we didn't watch that show for the General Lee or the flag on it, but the thunderously hot legs of one Catherine Bach, is not paying attention), Watson -- who owns the original General Lee -- decided to paint over the flag with an American flag.  It's what he said about it, given some of his other opinions, that raises waves...

All men ARE created equal, I believe that so I will be painting the American flag over the roof of the General Lee #USA

— bubba watson (@bubbawatson) July 2, 2015

•  ... to which I assert that's another person who believes just all "MEN" are created equal, isn't that right, homophobe Watson?  (CBS News)
• English soccer took another big hit Wednesday night in a game I have more than a few questions about -- and, had time permitted this week, I'd have mentioned it then.  Japan will face the United States in the Grand Final of the Women's World Cup after a match that I am pretty certain was, at best, scripted.  After another close-to-the-line penalty to give Japan a 1-0 lead, England got a penalty on a blatant dive to square the score.  That set up THIS as the last play of the match...

• I get the strategic idea, but you can't do that at the last of the game like that, in case you stub it like she did.  So that leads me to wonder, especially with a dodgy-close call on Japan's goal and a blatant dive for the English penalty to tie the game, what was going on.
• Speaking of "What the Hell is going on?", a tragedy in Aussie Rules Football this week.  Adelaide Crows coach Phil Walsh was killed in his home this week, with his son jailed on suspicion of stabbing him in a domestic dispute.  The scheduled match for Adelaide this week was cancelled, and the standings points for the two teams split.  A tribute has already been held in the Friday night match of the weekend, and the rest of the matches will have players wearing black armbands, a moment of silence beforehand, and the team songs will not be played at the end of the match. 

And Keith Olbermann is heading out the door...

Another Deadspin gem to kick off the second half of 2015, and another "Water is Wet" moment...

Keith Olbermann is probably about to follow Bill Simmons out the door.

It's a wonder to anyone that Olbermann will have lasted the two years on his deal -- especially with the obvious reason it's about to come apart:

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!  ESPN doesn't want anybody talking bad about poor Woger...

Yep, criticism of Roger Goodell, AGAIN.

Contract negotiations, according to The Hollywood Reporter, broke down when they told Olbermann to shut up about criticizing Goodell.

(And Bud Selig too, while he was at it...)

The report does go into that ESPN is trying to cut costs -- and Olbermann would be the last means to finally get them out of the New York studio they had been planning to put Mike and Mike in the Morning in as well.

You know, I'm left with two thoughts.  One I had, and one my friend reminded me about when we talked about this:

My friend's thought is the more direct manner in stating the American public needs to cover eyes and plug ears:

And it's as correct as when I used it before on this blog.

But I do begin to wonder if the mafioso in the American Sports Machine is coming out of the woodwork a bit...

"You don't REALLY want to know what goes on for your entertainment, do you?

 You don't REALLY want to know how your favorite team ensures all it's stars play so your team can win...

 You don't REALLY want to know what happens in the bowels of these sports leagues to ensure your entertainment continues unfettered...."

Strap yourselves in.  It's going to be a bumpy ride.

And here we go with the second half... More questions on the PGA Tour...

Last year, it was revealed that rumors had it Dustin Johnson was trying to take other golfers' wives on the PGA Tour.

Now, it seems to have graduated to the Tiger Woods fiasco.

Woods and Lindsey Vonn recently split, and (for anyone who's seen Lindsey, unbelievably!!) Woods was cheating on Vonn, according to tabloid sources.

We may now have found out one rumor as to whom...  And it's another one of those "inside the close-knit PGA traveling tour" group.

According to Radar Online through Deadspin, the woman involved is the ex-wife of Jason Dufner.  It appears this is what ended Dufner's marriage to Amanda Boyd this April.

I mean, it's no secret that Tiger has fucked everyone he feels like in North America the last 15 or so years, and that he's clearly fucked in the head -- which see his play on the course for the latter!

One does have to wonder, however, how many more of these before somebody basically takes a driver right up their playing partner's scrotum...