I will forgive anybody who thinks I've gone completely nuts about something today.
There's a reason for this.
I am glad I took yesterday off from my normal routine and, instead, went to a local sports bar and watched Brazil and Germany in the first World Cup semifinal.
I guess the best way to blog it is just to say it: I believe there are members of the Brazilian national team who conspired to throw the World Cup Brazil thought to be it's birthright away, for some reason I cannot comprehend.
I believe the match was fixed, by entities getting in with some of the players.
This, by most accounts, would be the most ridiculous claim I've probably ever seen, much less made.
I guess the next question would be a very simple: HOW IN THE FUCKING HELL DO I COME UP WITH THAT?
To that, I take you to the highlights of the match, if I can find a legally-embed-able set of them which FIFA won't take down (their official YouTube channel is a joke in this regard -- the only "highlights" the channel has are the International Sign Language translations of the match reports, and they're so religious in taking down match highlights that most people are actually resorting to faking match highlight videos and showing FIFA '14 video game play instead!).
It sounds like the best I can do is put up a link to the ESPNFC highlights, which are probably the official highlights from the World Feed of FIFA, since ESPN is the official USA broadcast partner.
(And I believe the link only works if you're in the USA... Don't blame me, I didn't make the rules...)
But you need to see these highlights if you're going to make sense of the claims I'm making here.
(0:10): First goal, 11th minute, Germany 1-0.
Germany gets a corner after a spirited first ten minutes.
The cross comes in to a COMPLETELY UNMARKED Thomas Mueller -- a guy who, through his career, is averaging just about a goal a World Cup match -- SEVEN YARDS FROM GOAL.
The conversion is trivial, 1-0 Germany.
The match would still retain spirit for about ten more minutes.
Then, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.
(0:40): Second goal, 22nd minute, Germany 2-0. (22:10 elapsed)
The record-breaker for Miroslav Klose, who, with this goal, became the highest goal-scorer in the history of the World Cup.
More than Pele. More than Maradona. More than Ronaldo.
Pass comes off the side, and, after a Brazilian misses it, comes to Kloos, center of the pitch, 22 yards from goal.
Miroslav Klose breaks in from the right corner of the penalty area, and gets the ball, largely uncontested and barely-marked, on the penalty spot, ten yards from goal.
He shakes the defender, takes one saved shot, gets the rebound uncontested, and slots the record-breaker in.
Klose was unchallenged for the entire relevant play.
That was bad enough. 2-0 would be a large hill to climb, in any case.
It was the start of a historic six minutes which shattered a nation.
(1:27) Third goal, 24th minute, Germany 3-0. (23:57 elapsed)
The ESPN announcer is YELLING, "LOOK AT THE SPACE! LOOK AT THE SPACE!!"
Any of THREE unmarked Germans, two of which were Mueller and the eventual goalscorer Toni Kroos, could've taken it.
The crossing pass literally could've had it's choice of German goal-scorer, as Brazil made no effort, with three German players, fifteen yards, IF THAT, from goal, to close anything down, and the match is over at this point.
Only a minute and 47 seconds had elapsed between goals 2 and 3 -- including the goal celebration for the former.
If you're already getting where I'm going, good. IT GETS WORSE.
(2:08) Fourth goal, 25th minute, Germany 4-0.
Yes, the next minute of play. The last clip of the (first) Toni Kroos goal ended at 24:52 elapsed. The clip begins with Kroos being featured as the goalscorer at 25:00 elapsed.
Germany literally get the ball off the ensuing kickoff, take it down, and Kroos rams it down the throat.
Kroos robs the Brazilian defender blind, passes to a completely unmarked Khedira, who passes back to a completely unmarked Kroos, and Kroos slots it at 25:07. (Technically the 26th minute.)
Elapsed time for goal 3 to goal 4, one minute, ten seconds.
Elapsed time from kickoff to goal 4, MAYBE TEN SECONDS.
By now, it should be obvious this game is fixed, because this is purportedly a power national team made to look like a bunch of amateurs.
IT GETS STILL WORSE.
(2:56) Fifth goal, 29th minute, Germany 5-0.
At least the ball had been back in play a minute and a half or two minutes before Germany just waltzed in for number five.
Ball played through the midfield to Khedira, passed through on a sliding pass, clean to the near side, and, for at least the second time, THREE UNMARKED GERMANS, two of them nine yards from goal, the third (Khedira) scores it from about twelve yards, completely unchallenged.
Time of the goal: 28:50.
This basically means that, counting three goal celebrations, Germany has scored four goals in just six minutes and forty seconds. The 28:50 is the fastest five-goal outburst from a World Cup game start -- EVER. Group phase or knockout phase.
None of those goals were meaningfully challenged by any Brazilian on the pitch. The poor goalkeeper was competely hung out to dry on every one of those efforts.
The half ends 5-0. It appears, for the most of the remainder of the half, that the referee is even trying to save Brazil further humiliation, calling a pair of phantom fouls when it appeared Germany was about to burst through AGAIN later in the half.
The second half dissolves into a farce straight out of the Twilight Zone. It almost appears, for about ten minutes, that Germany want to give Brazil between one and three goals, just to salve matters a bit for a crowd that is somewhere between depressed and despondent.
That fails, largely because no Brazil player can be arsed to make a simple effort by this point, and Germany now have to resort to openly bungling several breakthroughs to prevent the embarrassment from getting worse.
Finally, Schurrle has had enough of that, and...
(3:40) Sixth goal, 69th minute, Germany 6-0.
Lahm to Khedira in the corner, back to Lahm in the penalty area with all kinds of space, 15 yards from goal, centering pass to Schurrle.
NONE OF THIS IS CHALLENGED. Schurrle is EIGHT YARDS FROM THE CENTER OF THE NET. And, if not him, the #13 was right there to take it and score it.
There are FOUR Brazilian purported-defenseman, all standing there with the proverbial thumb up the ass, not knowing what to do in any measure of the argument, and Schurrle adds to the total.
I am going to ask one simple question by this point: Is there any explanation, other than a complete rig-job, other than someone like a Raj Perumal or Dan Tan getting to a number of the Brazilian team and offering them a ridiculous sum to throw the game, that explains THIS...
And six-nil, to this point, is KIND. Germany, by the end of the game, gave up, willingly, about five further breakthroughs because they wanted to hold the score to some level.
But not even that attempt could stop the disgrace from going on and on and...
(4:26) Seventh goal, 79th minute, Germany 7-0.
Yeah, you read it right. SEVEN-NIL.
Pass to the corner, to Schurrle in the top corner of the box, NO ONE between him and the keeper, bonks it off the bar and seventh heaven for the Germans.
----
Brazil got nothing more than a ceremonial goal in the 90th minute to lose by 7-1.
The seven goals scored by Germany are a world record for a World Cup semifinal.
And on NONE of the goals was ANY REMOTE ATTEMPT AT A CHALLENGE MADE to a single German in the play of ANY of them.
Not ONE.
Ladies and gentlemen, that was a fixed match.
I do not know (and I'm not sure I care) what would motivate a Brazilian national team member to do this.
I just know when I see it that something has occurred.
If someone wants to explain to me that this game was not fixed by a party with a lot of money to buy off the Brazilian defense, someone please explain to me how this can occur to a team with an ounce of pride, integrity, or talent...
Please, I want to hear this one.
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